i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
