She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
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But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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