I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
