Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
