Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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