why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
