Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
