Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
