I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
NoShamevember. You game?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
