I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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