my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
