I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
