I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
