awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
