If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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