if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
