I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
