if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
