I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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