Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
