I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
