i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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