one two three fourrrrnication!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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