South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
