dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
