Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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