Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
