Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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