I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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