I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
