I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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