I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
