Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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