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He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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