You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
