Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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