You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
