are you still at the devil's house?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
