You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Come on in and take your pants off
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