Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
