you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
