I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
