Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
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The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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