return my video game
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
