all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
