I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
