It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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