You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
