I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
