i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she peed on how many people?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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