Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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