she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
