Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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