guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
