so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
