Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
