Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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