I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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