dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
