Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
