I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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