I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
