never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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