Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
