i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
