UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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