she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
