You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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