My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just invented taco cereal.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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