i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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