he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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