Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
