If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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