My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
