I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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