I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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