If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
