he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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