you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
