Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
